Yaco

Friday, April 24, 2009

ever had this feeling that there are too many thoughts going through your mind and you get the sense that they are all of importance to you but they are flowing through too fast for you to capture and hold on to them for long enough to make sense of them?

i think writing or maybe even blogging is an effective tool for you to hold onto an idea as it comes by and explore it a little, hopefully allowing you to realise something useful to yourself in the meantime.

there might be too many but it doesn't hurt to try does it?

you really do have alot of time to think about the things when you are outfield since 90% of the things you do don't require any brain power. still, your mind would still be blank 90% of the time as you are too tired to think about anything and just stone.

however, it did allow me to realise some things about myself though.

i always sorta knew it but it became more obvious for me recently. i am someone who takes an eye for an eye to the extreme. if you do wrong to me, i may not do anything back and forget about it in a while but it will somehow register in some part of my mind and when i get the chance to or when you need help, do watch out cos i may not be as nice as i seem to be.

on the other hand though, if you help me or are nice to me, i would rarely say a second word when you come to me for help or anything else for that matter.

the problem with this seems to be that i have selective memories and my memories seem to be extremely resistant to change. if i somehow accept the notion that you are a positive or a negative to me, it doesn't change easily as the same few memories of those incidents would override any more recent developments with few regards to their significance.

somehow i think i am blabbering and the above applies to everyone to a certain extent.

gah. whatever. i made a mental note of that as i thought that it's actually not a good thing, given that people do change and i am somehow treating these people inappropriately for what they have become.

humans have so many common flaws that we recognise at some point in time but refuse to or are unable to as they are part of our nature, our programming if you want to think of it that way.

when two different people see the same scene, they can develop vastly different ideas about the issue, depending on how much the issue affects them. when you see like 1000 people died in an earthquake in turkey, the impact it has on you is much less then when you saw the news about the few who died during the dragonboat incident in cambodia.

humans tend to only care about things that concern them. we can't really relate to the earthquake but the dragonboaters who died could have easily been a friend, relative or neighbour who affects your life in someway thus, making a much larger impact to you.

it's like when you see a car crash along the road.

normally you would be like "oh. a car crash. lets see what's the car plate number, maybe can buy 4d"

but what happens when it's the car of someone you know? you would be like " omgwtf! is he ok? has anyone called the ambulance yet? is he still alive? %&^$"

humans are selfish creatures. i had to write an essay that goes something like " Do you think that everything that we do is for our own benefit?" and i agreed with the topic wholeheartedly. no matter what we do, we are doing it because it benefits us.

when we do charity, we feel we are doing a good deed, we feel good, we hope for good karma, we hope that if something ever happens to us, others would help us. whatever. we benefit, be it a mental or physical reward.

we would never do anything to hurt ourselves unless we think that we can get something out of it. as such, we would often interpret the things people say or the incidents you see happen in a way that's most favourable to yourself. it's like a mental failsafe of sorts. can you imagine what state of mind you would be in if you constantly see it from the other side? as such, we would often lie to ourself, even when you have this nagging suspicion that the other side of the coin in the right one.

hmm... too many things going through my brain right now and i am feeling super random. think it will take forever.

god. so much blabbering.

maybe i should go into studying about physology?

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